Poems

We are Woven
Whispered like a fog rolling in
Blanketed in your light
Blooming hearts trimmed carefully, laid gently
This circle I abide by, woven in time
Forever folded into one another

Teeth and Body
Lay me out, bare for all to see
Brushed red and bathed in burgundy
Fingers on my neck, wrapped tightly around
Whispered moans like gentle wind profound
Pressing skin, barely resisting pushing through
Ecstasy, pleasure and love all renewed
Teeth marking skin, and nails scarring deeply
A release within and replenishment without
I yearn for your body always, a worship devout

Delicate Nature
I ache for you in the moments you are far away from me

Life a little less coloured, and almost as if out of focus

For you're the light that brightens the world all around

And you help sharpen all there is to take in

My strong hands shake missing their place

Amongst the delicate nature of yours

Lips forever parted until they can be pressed against you

Forever always yours, in each and every lifetime

I will come searching for you

Because I will always be longing for you

Whenever you're away

Whatever universe we're in

However much time it takes

I will find you because I hate how much without you
That this body aches 

My Transfiguration
I am a woman

But I am also becoming something more

Something transcendent upon the lines you trace upon my skin

Free from such bounds that retain my insides in their current shape

Such soft hands reforming me

Finding their way through thick carapace

You know all my weak spots

Guarding them with the ferocity of a mother wolf guarding her pups

Sharp teeth that will always protect me

Yet gentle upon my skin as you press firmly enough

As if to announce your presence upon me

Gracing me with the love you shower me with

Like a million meteors falling from the sky

I look out the window with you

But we don't see what's in front of us

We see beyond it, o' such possibilities

Forever changed, forever lost in the forest of your arms

Finding firm footing between roots and betwixt strong branches

At its core a bright light, I dare not stare directly into

But I allow its warmth to wrap around me like a blanket

You keep me warm, but not just my body

You are entrenched deep within my soul

Haunting the deep recesses upon my face

Smile lines dug deeper and deeper with each passing day

A new reason to awake from such beautiful slumber

Lost in dreams of you that melt all worries away

Witness to two sunrises, the first the actual sun

Gentle kissing our skin in ultraviolet light

The second your eyes, both beautiful paintings

Slowly opening as I study them

As I search deep within them to take in all their exquisite meaning

A window in to a soul I so deeply feel woven within

You're a soft fabric I never want to leave my skin

In all these moments caught within your grasp, your gaze

Your breath upon all the parts of me

I find the meaning of life and love and happiness

It's all you, all of this life is for you

For the memories, both old and in the process of creation

Elated now, I feel the size of eternity as a constant progression

A rhythm we've learned to dance to

Music only we can hear, a symphony only our hearts can comprehend

You've altered the smallest atoms of my physical self

And changed all the things intrinsic to my soul we've yet to understand

Surpassing the realm of a simplistic binary and even that which moves beyond such primitive constraints

Born again as something new, built by your loving hands

You're a key that has unlocked me and unchained me from a prison

A jail cell that I never thought I could escape

And yet you've done it with such ease

I could never repay you in all the small acts of love you've shown me

Days upon days where you say all that I need to hear

And you breathe this new life into me

In your debt, I'll show you the deepest of loves forever

Teach you colors that have yet to be named

Feelings that no one else has ever felt

I want to give it all to you, the world, the stars, the universe

Just as you've given me life and a reason to keep going on

I want nothing more than to return the favor to you

To hold a mirror up to your soul

So that I can show you everything I see within you

All the special parts of you that form constellations unnamed

The beautiful art you create with each word, a soliloquy

Singing loud even when you aren't making any sound

You're the music I always here even when you're not around

A field of peonies I find myself wandering in forever though I'm not lost

Because I have found such earnest love in the deepest recesses of your heart

And I'll never stop searching deeper and deeper within the margins

For I know there is always more to uncover

More beauty to be discovered and new ways to love

Every day with you is a lesson that I will listen to intently

As I realize I have so much to learn from you

That is true love, that is unrestrained growth

My heart has become a forest grown from seeds you've planted

And you tend to each tree all the way down to every little plant that sprouts upon all that you've done for me

This chest now knows abundance, and bliss flows throughout me

Rivers of your love cut deep into my soul over time

Digging deeper as you continue to wear  away the old and make way for something better

You are my nature, you are my religion......

And I will always look upon you with such awe

Shelter, Bliss
Cold January air begins rushing past us
Like a cooling balm on old wounds
A promise we made to each other
A shelter for our hearts, a forever home
We've been here before
Time, a flat circle, this is all so familiar
I will always wait for you
And you will always find me
Souls entwined through aeons immeasurable
Two parts of one whole destined to commingle
An eternity of love and a million lifetimes of bliss 

Where Our Souls Coalesce
There's a place, somewhere along the tree-line

Tucked behind fields covered like pink snow with cherry blossoms

A forever home where we live inside each other's heart

Together we journey there dropping the weight of the world behind us

Everything seems possible now especially when locked within your arms

No longer fraught by hopeless reality, no longer taut with anxiety

The edges of days become blurred within the bounds of every breath

As we trace our fingers into the other's palms

Etching daylight across beautiful memories

Of an infinite skyline hued in pinks and purples

A scared place behind our ribs where we will meet every day forever

Knowing forever is still much to short for the love we have to share

An interminable well that could never run dry

Consistent like morning air

Solid like the ground we're pressed firmly upon

Endless reassurance within our wildfire embrace

Let us journey together to this sacred place

Where our souls coalesce like overflowing rivers
Lead to a boundless sea 

Pink Fades into Purple
Oh how wondrous it is to observe the many fascinations of your soul
And how I yearn to soak up every moment I can
Days only counted when they are in your warm proximity
A gentle ache within my core I could get used to
Deeply nestled within all the spaces you occupy in the caverns of my mind
And upon the ventricles of my heart, the places reserved for only you

Contorted Insides

Lighter now, empty

But the space has begun to shrink

One day balance will be achieved

For now it's pressed tightly against January

The last leaves falling

I'm sitting with this for now

I'll allow myself this just once

Indulgence in all things soured love

Whispers of memories vanishingly slowly

It rises and falls between the deep night

And sore mornings stumbling out of bed

I accept it all for what it is

No more distortion, no less disappointing

This is where we are

This is who you are

This is how I get back to who I am

Autumn Leaves, Act II

I knew that when I kissed you 

I tasted bitter poison in your lips

But I chose to ignore the warnings

Giving myself away for free

I left myself wide open for you 

Taking every last part of me 

Until all that was left was a broken mess

Now I can't remember how to breathe 

And I'm being buried under autumn leaves 

Clawing my way out but for what 

This fucked up experiment is over 

Wanting nothing more than to fall 

Into familiar arms that know how to catch me 

Return to Elysia

Jealousy in my heart

Like a wounded animal

Dying alone

There's nothing left to do

I've tried everything short of giving up

A whole year wasted 

Chasing fields I'll never be able to roam now

Tarrying in Elysian dreams

Salt

Feet pressed firmly on loose soil

Head pointed north, facing the horizon

Walking between the directions I've been pulled in

I've watched all my hard work come undone 

The plastic stars have all fallen off my ceiling

All I see now are the thorns on every flower

And all I taste is salt in everything I eat

Every color overwhelms my eyes

So I keep them closed

Let God cleanse this broken body

Bring me a swift death and birth rapid decomposition

Will you accept my love? 

Bury it in the tomb of all your false lovers

Will you accept my love?

Bury it under your callous heart

Will you accept my love? 

Bury it in the tomb of all your false lovers

Will you accept my love?

Bury it under your callous heart

Bleeding Fatigue

Everything in chaos 

Nothing in bloom 

The air tastes acrid 

And every streetlight 

Is burning phosphorus 

The world blurs around me 

I'm pulling through but 

I'm not pulling my weight 

Bleeding fatigue and my legs won't move

The world is spinning 

And I'm running 

I'm running 

I'm running and I can't wait 

To make it inside 

The Killer Is You

Overflowing with love and it has no place to go 

It keeps out of all the wounds of time 

Spilling onto the ground before it evaporates

I'm certain now, more than ever that I'll always be alone 

You tore down my defenses and left me broken 

Now there's nowhere left to call home

I hate love and I hate loving you even more 

It's all so beyond my control 

If I could I'd let it all go

Buried it in the ground and never look back

Maybe one day I'll kill the you in my heart

Using the knives you stuck in me over the year

Was I ever even truly on your mind

Did your words ever really have meaning 

Because all I ever saw was disappointment on my face 

Staring in mirrors tracing all the age lines in my skin

I'm not getting younger and the pain keeps piling on 

My back is hurting from dragging you with me

I'm too much of a coward to let go

My hands can't seem to open anymore 

Every finger locked tight from writing about you every single night 

Not a day goes by where you're not circling my thoughts 

Like a hungry wolf circling it's prey

It's all a matter of time before I let you devour me

Will you leave any parts of me behind 

Or am I destined to be wholly consumed 

Have we really become Strangers 

I'm not sure what I'm even living for anymore 

I lost my drive 

And you killed my compassion for everything 

Why do I even love you when all it leads to 

Is me hating the person I am

Let me let you go

Using Poison as a Substitute for Love

You sent me back down a path

I never wanted to walk down

Retracing steps and re-remembering things

Trying to piece together a blurry history

It all slowly pours out from me now

Like a teapot that was allowed to cool

Wasted potential, resources, and energy

Now all I want to do is rest

And forget all the rest

Every bit of poison you injected into me

Like a high with a rough come down

I couldn't get enough

But I think I've finally had enough

It's not longer what I want

And it will never be what I need

I'm learning to let go

Accepting what is and isn't my fault

Better now for knowing

Next time maybe I'll learn to look a little closer

Examine things thoroughly before giving myself away

I can't say for certain if I regret it all

However its a damp and uncomfortable feeling

One that I don't think will ever leave me now

A slight recurring nausea and a resulting loss of appetite

I didn't live a lifetime in your eyes

I lived within a lie, a dismal fantasy carved out of lust

Now I'm learning to live with that

Learning to live again

Finding what makes my insides shake 

Truthfully....

You want the simple truth?

I wish I never met you

The way my hands rot in yours

While you corrupt my body with your cold touch

I'm losing sleep and I'll never get the skin I had back

Cutting through me faster than cold autumn mornings

The silence is digging into my waist

Nothing feels good anymore

And for the first time I am lost

Knees

Trapped in discordance

My body and mind unaligned

Beauty forsaken by such rough hands

I want to vomit forth my insides

Until there is nothing left but a hollow shell

I've become barren and worthless

Affection only finds me painted up, wrapped in dirty cloth

Down on my knees, begging to just be seen

I'll always be here in the spaces in between

On the margins beside early morning light

And the darkest corners of the coldest nights

21-33

Twenty one and thirty three

Wandering again so aimlessly

You meant the world to me

And now that you're gone

I am incomplete 

This world flipped upside down

I listen but you never make a sound

Truly on my own now

Autumn in Recurrence

I fell on the early side of autumn 

It opened up old wounds

And the truth came spilling out

Red like the leaves falling all around us

Haunted by the silhouette of letters 

Composed into prose in the shape of memories 

You sharpened them like daggers 

I can't help but run my fingers across their edge

This hurt is all I've ever known 

And so is the emptiness that accompanies it

It's the company I fought to keep 

So I'll learn to live with it just a little while longer

My Heart Is in Blighttown

You are weeping sickness 

Drawing out of my open wounds 

Arms frail and lined with red divisions

Cutting into me deeper and deeper 

I want the pain to stop but I welcome it too

It's all the same 

Love like a bomb sent in the mail 

I have to receive it for that is all I've ever known 

Reaching back with shattered hands

Shaped like autumn and pressed into my velvet dress

Your touch is electric but it electrocutes me

Like a vat filled with eels and I can't claw my way out

I can't hear your voice but I know you're calling for me 

I'm searching for the way out but you sealed it off

Forever trapped in this rotting fantasy 

You are a blight upon my heart

Never Escaping the Dullness of Every Last Word That You Spoke to Me

Something tells me the seasons are about to change

But it isn't the weather

I can feel this energy radiating between us

Across this channel you carved out in silence

It fills the void with a razor sharp air

That cuts into my lungs

I can feel them filling up

Choking

Suffocating

Crying

Reaching out

I never realized it was possible

To be both dead and alive at the same time

Like there are two halves of me

Living to different lives

One trapped in a past still clinging on to whispers of you

Refusing to accept that the words have become a dull crackle of static

The other trying to escape the bindings of that same past

Somehow you have trapped me here

And I want so badly to escape

I wish I knew how to free myself

But I've never been good at letting go

Especially when I've seen something through to it's smallest pieces

I want to believe that there is an alternate dimension somewhere

That things worked out between us

But I'm having a hard time accepting that this is not that place

There is a haunting here that hides within the shadows

Of all the former places our love resided

All the parks, a vacant home, roads I've walked a million times

None of it is safe to traverse

I risk my life setting foot on those vestiges of time 

So I make sure that my feet stay planted firmly in my room

Trapped in a dimly lit coffin behind a screen of glass

Watching the world safely from inside

Or at least thats how it seems

But I know that this place is haunted too

These words are possessed 

I'll find the right thing to say one day

To exercise these demons from my fingers

So they can be released from your grasp

Yet your grip still finds its way around me neck

You're in the space between the sheets

When I'm trying to sleep 

Clinging softly against my skin

A gentle reminder of times that now only bring me pain

Everywhere is hallow ground

When I've yet to escape the sound of your voice

As it falls into my ears

Or I reflect on all that is written about you

I'd burn it all down if I could find peace

I'll find the courage to strike a match

So that I can throw it on every page tainted by your name

Then, I'll walk away forever until the final sunset over all that we were

Vestigial

I took a deep breath and I held it in

Until my lungs couldn't take it anymore

They imploded and a massive force was released

Straight through my chest and out onto the ground

I could finally see everything for what it truly was

A silly little reason to stop breathing

Something that was causing me more harm than good

It may sound mean but I think you deserve your sorrow

Because you take it and you wield it like a weapon

Driving it deep into everyone around you

Dragging them down with you

And when you can't get what you want from them

Or when you are just bored of having them in your life

You cut them out like a vestigial organ 

Tossing them aside to be gnawed at by the rats

Swarmed with flies and covered in maggots

There is a rot inside of you

You will continue to rot until you face 

Not only your own source of pain

But your actions that have caused pain towards others

All the loveless loves of your life

Running away and hiding behind a screen

Disconnecting the line and avoiding them at all costs

What about the weight that they carry?

What about the all the effort, and time, and energy

Spent on trying to give you everything you needed?

It was never enough

It was not the idealized fever-dream reality you just had to have

So you let them go

In doing so you let yourself slide further away 

From everything you wanted, that was always standing there

Right in front of you

Just an Ugly Bitch

Fuck this crooked body

And fuck this broken heart

I never learned how to love

Or figured out how to be

The woman that they'd desire 

Just an ugly bitch

Good for an easy lay

Never knowing what I wanted

Well what's the fucking point

Never should've made it this far 

It's a miracle but not the good kind

The type that hangs in your lungs

And chokes you in your throat

The Spaces In Between, Out of Sight, Out of Reach

Try and remember 

How we arrived in September 

Fading and falling fast

Knowing it couldn't last

I've forgotten why I felt that way

Like branches in the wind we sway

Unable to move any further than this 

Still feeling the outline of each kiss

You know you needed me

It was never something you could easily see

Burning wood embers waving smoke at night 

Always just out of sight

Could never see through 

Wouldn't even know what to do

Maybe we're better for it now 

Though I'm not sure how

Lay in the leaves on the ground 

Where we can always be found 

Here and there unseen

And spaces all in between

Arms outstretched forever 

It was either always or never 

You made a choice 

Ignoring the pain in my voice 

Live with and die with it 

Live with and die with regret